Keeker’s Stuff

This post started out under one topic, but when it was almost complete, I realized it had evolved into something very different. So, I deleted it…all of it.

While writing, I noticed I had forgotten something.

A moment.

A really nice moment.

I had started writing about men and women…and how weird we all are…and eventually, I started writing about the roles of men and women…how I believe they should be. and how they’ve changed…we’ve heard it all before.

This topic though, is one that over the past year or so, I’ve only begun to address.

I’ve always hated a particular role reversal that I’ve endured.

Who is the ultimate protector?

In my experience, it’s been me.

Men have repeatedly stood behind my skirts, peeking out, while I took on the battle.

Repulsive really…and very difficult to maintain any respect for a man who will put a woman between himself and threat.

But what’s a girl to do? Someone has to stand up…so it’s been me.

But without revealing too much detail – I do remember one man…not too long ago.

We were out in a public place…one where you just walk around and look at things. After about 20 minutes, I noticed his behavior.

He seemed to be watching. Not me necessarily, but…everyone.

As if he was calculating where everyone was, who had left, who was approaching…

I had actually heard about the process, but hadn’t seen it…I was intrigued.

I watched him…watching them… I couldn’t help but pay attention to it.

And the more I watched what was unfolding behind me, the more I became aware of this overwhelming feeling…

I felt so…exhausted…

…that exhale you get after a near miss.

It occurred to me that forever, I had been sitting on the edge of my seat…

…gearing up for something…preparing for anything…

…anticipating whatever might present itself…

…the unforeseeable battle.

But this feeling…

…this…was different.

It was slow…filling me…drowning me…and only inside of it, I could be vulnerable…

…finally.

He never knew, but over and over, I would look back at him…checking.

Making sure…

…making sure I was right…that it was still safe…that he was still there.

He was.

And every time I looked at his face…my heart broke with the relief of it all.