Keeker’s Stuff

The responses to “Sweet Men” have been interesting!

It’s almost as if there’s a…debate…? Love a debate!

I don’t disagree with much of it, but the way I’m reading it…it sounds like contradiction within same position.

Being human separates us from the animals…so yes, I have to agree that men and women are human…but I can’t agree that being human makes us “alike”. Men and women are physiologically different, and those difference have a huge impact on our behavior…controlled and reactive.

Even in the gay community there is usually a partner who is more feminine and one more masculine. Regardless that they’re human, those slants still reveal themselves…they may be very close, but they’re there and probably play a big part in the attraction.

My agenda was to point out the tendencies of the genders, and give allowance for those tendencies. You can’t expect or demand that someone act a certain way because they’re “human”. BUT you can anticipate some behavior based on gender. That’s not to say you can’t be surprised, but the message I got in some of the comments is that we are human and that it’s our humanity that decides our personality…but you can’t take the gender wiring out of personality traits. If you do, than your position is that who we are is strictly determined by environment. Not true. Otherwise, you’d begin just like your siblings…or a lot like them..and obviously you’re not…because your wiring and chemistry is your own, and in that mess of connections is your gender. The fact that you can bear children creates a nurturing slant, among other things…the predetermined physiology to provide for the continuation of human life. That makes you female…a man’s contribution is different and that difference is important.

My position is that you have to “allow” for the male/female traits. I’m not at all saying that those traits can’t be found intermixed, but recognizing the “tendency” toward particular behavior, based on gender, makes life…and relationships easier. Just as you allow your same gendered friends to be who they are…to behave in a way that makes them feel valued and necessary…allow men to behave in ways that make them feel like the man they want to be…or if that term “man” is too specific…allow them to be “the person” they want to be. I’m under the impression that men would rather be described or perceived as being manly, rather than feminine, if asked. Yes, people are people are people…but acknowledging and respecting gender differences as being part of humanity is important.

We do need to let people “be”…whatever they are…but we do need to be cognizant of the fact that gender is a “difference”…we may have some of both, but they are still “defining”.

You know very well that you need your FEMALE friends.. you can usually whine, bitch, cry, rant, and 6 women can talk over each other and not miss a beat…ever. Try that with a man. You’ve got about 3 seconds and he’s thinking about missing the kick off. It’s not the same.

You can’t say that we’re alike because we’re human and then be all pissy because he’s not acting like your girlfriends. He’s not your girlfriend, he can’t do it all, and you’re out of line to expect it. I absolutely agree that we all have feminine and masculine traits, but you can’t tell me that a man would rather be perceived as more feminine (unless there are other issues), than masculine.

If you’re going to let people be people then you have to let a man be a man…you don’t get to decide what gender traits are not worthy of acknowledgment..not if you’re letting people be who they are You can’t say you’re allowing people to be “human” and then deny their gender slant. And THAT is my whole point!!

Most of the time, it’s the difference that makes us fit so nicely together. : )