Keeker’s Stuff

Well, I had my idea all plotted out on this topic…but then, that was two days ago and I’ve changed my mind…of course.

I went though the “what men think” blog…but at my age, I’m not sure it’s all that enlightening…well, it shouldn’t be, anyway. I thought that maybe there should be a “What women think” blog, but I’m not so sure how squarely people fit into those little boxes…and who would read it it? Men? I don’t think so.

I was thinking about the theory that if someone isn’t calling or coming around, they’re not interested. People will be with the ones they want to be with, right? But I’ve done the very same thing with guys…been unapproachable, distant, etc., when really I liked them ever so much! So, how do you fit those people, or times, into a descriptive box and call it done? It is a good guide, and I suppose that if you’re being reluctant and withdrawn, you deserve to lose them, regardless of your reasons or intentions…

Okay, so the “sweet men”.

Let me tell you what I, as a woman, have noticed about the success of “sweet” men…bless their hearts…

Women do LOVE sweet men…even when, at the same time, they LOVE the bad boys.

Yep, it’s true.

This one is really easy, guys…

…she wants the bad ass, who is really SWEET to HER!

And it doesn’t have to be the “dirty” biker (as opposed to the “clean” biker)…he just needs to be able to hold his own, if necessary, or at least WANT to hold his own.

Sweet, sweet, sweet…and will throw himself in front of anyone or anything that appears to be a threat! It doesn’t even have to be a physical affront..could be just really great thinking that moves you from the situation. But mostly, it’s at least the willingness to get in there and try. You can do that AND be so sweet, too.

From what I understand, guys “think” that if they are sweet, considerate, affectionate, kind, etc., that women won’t like them, or might take advantage…there seems to be a misunderstanding about the “bad boy” attraction and “nice guys finish last”. You can ABSOLUTELY be a nice guy…it’s the wimpy part that kills desire.

I’ve seen some really great friends of mine (men), be the biggest jerks to their girlfriends, as if they think that’s what they’re supposed to do…and then when they lose her, they can’t figure out why.

…blah, blah, blah…get a clue…being a man doesn’t mean being an ass

Nice guys DO finish last…you just have to be “nice” in the appropriate areas…Now granted, I do realize, that women are not as nice as I even once thought they were…I think we’ve (men and women) all gotten into a cycle of reluctance, fear, and defensive posturing. You get your heart broken a couple of times and you start watching for the signs.

The problem is that ANYONE can surprise you…and the indicators of being played with can look very different from one person to the other. You’re not going to be able to tell…YOUR JUST NOT!!! You may see something familiar in one person and read it as a “sign” that you should be wary…and be DEAD WRONG!!

You don’t know, until you get the nerve to ask the right questions…and do a lot of “watching.

The truth is, you either have to risk, or choose to be alone, because if you were so good at reading people, you wouldn’t still be confused by the process, and you certainly wouldn’t still be by yourself.

We’re all afraid…quit acting like your fear is special, it’s not…you’re just like everybody else…and if you’re not afraid, then you either don’t have feelings for that person, or you’re LYING! : )

I’ve been the master of retreat…and it usually has nothing to do with liking the guy…in fact, it usually means I’m try to hide because I’m having bigger feelings than I anticipated! If I’m not jumpy, I’m not that interested. Distancing yourself is a hard habit to break…and a habit you hopefully break with the right person. Trying this on the wrong person could, on an emotional level, convince you that your old ways were better ones. Intellectually, you have to get to the place where you conclude, its better to jump off the cliff and into the unknown, than to stand on the edge for the rest of your life, fearing the fall.

So get it through your head that you stink at choosing, and you’re probably bailing out at the wrong time, for the wrong reasons, or on the wrong person. Resolve in your mind that over time you probably WILL get your heart broken, but you’ll certainly live through it.

I can tell you that I’ve ditched many a “sweet man”…but I left because THAT kind of sweet made ME the “strong” one, and I just couldn’t carry the both of us…well, I didn’t want to HAVE to carry us. There is a fine line between a man being sweet and just acting like a woman…the old “roles”… ones that you can count on to work…that’s why it’s there. You can be sweet, respectful, AND masculine…all at the same time. It’s not hard. You’ve been conditioned to be that way, already….and your gender slant gives you the physical power to get the job done.

And in my opinion, if you are with a woman who won’t let you behave like the man – get rid of her!

She’s attempting to convince herself that she doesn’t need a man. It will be a lifetime competition and she will only be successful if she emasculates you. You’ll spend the rest of your life suppressing all that you are…all the things that make you, as a man, so wonderful to be around.

And WOMEN!!!

If you think you don’t need men…you’re lying to yourself, YOU DO! Let them open the door, carry heavy stuff…

Let a man be sweet to you…part of being a man is being good to a woman. (ask your mother)

If you’re constantly convincing him that you can do all that stuff yourself, then your acting like a man…and unless he’s gay, you’re going to lose your appeal…and eventually you WILL be doing everything yourself and whining about it.

I’m not saying you have to be fragile…it’s just not your battle, you have nothing to prove.

Men need to feel useful (for lack of a better word), they like to flex and be physical…let ‘em…

AND my best advice…if a man is standing up for something…KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT and let him be…

And along those lines…you don’t have to talk ALL THE TIME, and neither does he…you don’t have to know everything he’s thinking (or not thinking)…if you wanna know how he feels about you…close your mouth and watch..he’ll “do” something…because men “DO”

AND MEN!!!

Listen… you’re horrible listeners and not everything she says is a “to do” list. You don’t have to fix everything, and she’s not asking you to..she’s just talking about it. Sometimes, it’s just a conversation.

Pay attention…you might even figure out what’s going on! : )

You have to be reasonable…there are things that women CAN’T do…that’s right, I don’t care what you say, they CAN’T… and there are things that men just don’t have the capacity for doing. BUT that’s what makes us necessary to each other…to fill in where the other comes up short. If we could do it all, we wouldn’t seek each other out…there would be no loneliness, no desire. What makes it work is allowing the person who is good at something, the opportunity to do that very thing…and you do what you’re good at.

Women are “sweet” when they have soft skin, and smell good, and when they know that men are babies when they don’t feel good, and just settle in and take care of him, anyway…when you’re gentle, loving…when sometimes you’ll watch a game even when you don’t care about it, but always when he’s playing it…when you allow him to be a man…and allow room for the things they, as men, are not good at..it defines where you, as a woman, need to step in…and that works both ways…you’re not going to carry the 200 lb. TV into the house, so back off, that’s where HE steps in….these are not difficult things.

Men are “sweet” when they fix that light, wash the car, get the high stuff down, kiss you easy…when they linger around, when they first refuse to go into a store of “pretties”, but do it anyway…I have a particular fondness for that one, myself…makes me all soft about him…and makes it really easy to say yes to something HE loves.

Men can be and so often are, really sweet…but it doesn’t come from the same place as a woman

You have to know and appreciate the difference…they’re NOT women, and why would you want them to be?

A sweet man is incredibly attractive…and absolutely irresistible, if I also get to be the girl.